Hellboy

The film version of this Dark Horse staple should hit theaters next summer and will star Ron Perlman.

Futures Markets Applied to Predictions

The Guardian Unlimited reported that a division of DARPA working under John Poindexter asked for $3 million next year to maintain their Futures Markets Applied to Predictions (FutureMAP). FutureMAP’s website, Policy Analysis Market, is “an Internet futures trading market on events in the Middle East.” DARPA said it hoped to suss out actual intelligence from the market activity, but the site has been disabled.

“It is brilliantly imaginative in places where we want them to be imaginative,” said Paul Wolfowitz (nevermind that HSX and fuckedcompany have been around for years). Tom Daschle and other Democrats were less amused, seizing this opportunity to parade how duly diligent they are being with our money.

Tom, put yourself in their shoes. Imagine sifting through chatter all day to protect your ideological opposites’ butts from disgruntled Saudis Muslim fundamentalist lunatics! It must be mind numbing!! I don’t want numb minds tracking Al Qaeda, I want sharp ones that know when to “short” an assassination attempt on Yasser Arafat..or would that be a “put” option?

Together we can save FutureMAP. If every American sends a penny to DARPA the $5 bill burning a hole in my pocket that says Israel will be an irradiated hole in the ground by 2007 will finally have a home!

The Beetle Farm

The Beetle Farm creates autonomous avatars based on Moodstats user profiles, and probably is the lion’s share of Web-based beetle-fucking.

“If they have no sales, let them buy stock”

Robert X. Cringely’s idea to put the RIAA out of business is a closet socialist’s wet dream. He proposes that a group of investors pool $2 million to buy one copy of every CD, sell $20 shares of the company (hypothetically called “Snapster”), and offer each song for download to shareholders for 5¢. The company’s revenue, broadening customer base, and stock splits would suck money away from the recording industry faster than it could create a new teen idol, and the recording industry’s wealth would be redistributed to Snapster’s shareholders. Since the vast majority of artists aren’t Puff Daddies or Shania Twains, they would save money by self-publishing and use the deflated record industry only for marketing. But who would buy new music if this scheme succeeded? Who cares! The real beauty of Snapster is that major funding for an anti-RIAA lobbying effort is built right in!

Nigerian yellow cake uranium discovered!

Nigerian yellow cake uranium discovered!

Bubba Ho-Tep

Ossie Davis and Bruce Campbell finally team up to battle an ancient Egyptian evil as J.F.K. and Elvis respectively.

The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal

View 30 seconds of this short by Matt McCormick.

Cameltoe

If you haven’t heard this track yet, do it now.

Swiss Cheese Car

A friend and I found this fun movie last night from an episode of Monster Garage. A 1990 Mazda RX7 failed to function (to Jesse James’ specs) as a sand rail, and didn’t live to tell about it.

Great minds think like dragonize

Great minds think like dragonize. A Hindustan Times article interviewing skeptical Iraqis about the deaths of Uday and Qusay Hussein suggests:

Saddam Hussein is tanning in Tel Aviv; his wife Sajida and three daughters are sipping tea in their mansion in Leeds, England; and his sons Uday and Qusay are gambling in Monte Carlo.

Which paraphrases what I myself said in an April 9th (04:17:20 PM) post.